New Ways to “Calm Down”

When my dad yelled “Calm down!” he didn’t mean “Find a quiet place within yourself” or “Take a deep breath and blow out slowly.” “Calm down” was his code for “Stop what you’re doing, turn down the noise.” My father became a parent before there was research on concrete ways to help children step out of a state of agitation or anxiety and into a feeling of well-being. However, he did emphasize the value of outdoor physical activity every day, something we know now is one of the best antidotes to depression.

It seems important to mention the growth of our knowledge about promoting well-being during May, Mental Health Awareness Month. Parents and teachers today are more knowledgeable about the importance of encouraging children to talk about feelings underlying behavior rather than demanding that they stop feeling or behaving a certain way. We look for the reasons for the behavior.

Last week the parent of a Meher School second grader in the rush of getting ready for work asked her daughter why seemed to be upset about everything that morning. Her daughter confessed she was nervous about taking a test. “I told her how great it was that she told me and gave her a long hug that made us both feel better.”

Today we know the importance of adults being able to empathize with and validate children’s difficult feelings, so they don’t feel compelled to act them out. We are also armed with information about how to support children to self-soothe on the spot when they are experiencing agitated emotions.

Here are some quick calming techniques:

• Recent research shows that hugging for 20 seconds reduces stress hormones in the blood and increases oxytocin. Long hugs also support feelings of trust and optimism.

• Counting to a high number helps switch reactions to the thinking side of the brain.

• Singing or humming a tune can bring about a state of calm and reduce anxiety.

• Clenching and releasing fists helps a child be aware of body tensions and let go of them.

• Drinking cold water can stimulate the vagus nerve, slowing down the heart rate and supporting a feeling of calm.

• Running, jumping, and roughhousing release pent-up energy.

As a community, there are countless ways we nurture one another’s beliefs that we each matter equally and deserve to feel safe, accepted in our uniqueness, and loved.

The Equity & Inclusion Committee has focused on wonderful classroom activities that reflect advances in our understanding of the importance of our role in supporting children’s mental health.

School Wins City Sustainability Award

The Meher Schools has been named a recipient of Lafayette’s 2024 Environmental Award for Excellence for “incorporating sustainability into the classroom” through our education, gardening, and green-waste system. Signed by Mayor Gina Dawson, the award certificate notes that our efforts have “contributed to a more sustainable Lafayette and helped the community achieve its environmental goals.”

Adrienne Wallace, shown here holding the certificate in the Seven Circles Garden, coordinates our garden and sustainability programs. Our sustainability efforts include the fall and spring swaps, annual e-waste drive, and Little Free Library.

The Waiting Game

How do we respond when asked to wait?

In our individualistic society, adults are notoriously impatient when faced with a line—in a store, at the doctor’s office, or on the freeway. From an early age, children may observe us muttering, “Oh, no,” “I can’t believe this,” when faced with what might be a longer wait than we expected. It’s funny that we don’t handle it more gracefully, as it’s estimated we spend from two to five years of our life waiting in various lines.

Yet we want children to be able to wait calmly, not just while standing in line but in a variety of situations where good social skills and manners are hoped for. Being able to wait graciously without apparent anxiety or distress helps others and lays the groundwork for cooperation and harmony.

The ability to wait begins in childhood with trying to take turns, waiting for another child to finish with a toy before getting to use it, without grabbing. Adults can help children bear the agitation of delaying gratification by empathizing with how hard waiting can be in their own lives and complimenting children on their self-control. Teachers sometimes set a timer, offering a waiting card, or substituting another activity temporarily.

Then there’s the self-regulation of standing in line without giving in to the temptation to push or put your hands on the person ahead of or behind them. At circle time, there’s learning to raise your hand and the self-control of waiting for another person to finish speaking before you offer your ideas.

We can teach the value of being able to wait in a kind and cooperative way by demonstrating the ability in our interactions with them, even when it’s hard. Waiting for them to come up with the answer to a question. Waiting for them to complete a chore. Waiting for them to finish their homework.

Since children are all individuals with different energy levels, interests, sensory experiences, and neural pathways, they benefit when adults understand their struggles and needs. The ability to wait peacefully comes with brain development, practice, and loving encouragement.

There are many strategies to help children to learn patience while waiting. Here are a few online resources:

* Very Special Tales: How to Teach Kids to Wait: 15 Useful Ideas to Learn Waiting Skills

* Sesame Street: The Waiting Game with Guy Smiley

* Noodle Kidz: Learning to Wait In Line and Wait for Your Turn