The Need for Some Alone Time

“If I’m around people right now, I might bite someone,” a preschooler explained. She wanted to stay in the quiet space she had created for herself on the busy play yard, as people buzzed all around her. In the Nurtured Heart approach, this wouldn’t be a time to talk about the dangers of biting but to talk about the things in the situation that are going right. In fact, this little girl used her words so she could continue calming herself. An appropriate response might be, “Thank you for telling me you need alone time. You knew being by yourself would calm you when you were having big feelings.”

This rare insight for a very young child is one most of us can understand. If we think about it, we all know that the “stimulation” of relating to others for long periods, like at a social gathering we have to attend, can wear us down. As we mature, we have more inner resources, including the ability to mentally “check out,” when our nervous systems have experienced too many demands.

Adults often don’t realize that being in constant close contact with other people all day can also be wearing on children, especially at the beginning of school in this pandemic year of retreating to our homes for so long. We want to pay attention to how they are feeling so we don’t just drag them from one interactive activity to another.

This is especially true for children who are introverts and used to being able to dip into their own imaginations for refreshment. Introverted children take time for their real personalities to come out in a social situation, so being with people they don’t know for long periods can be more of a strain.

As busy adults, we can be role models for the positive quality of knowing when we need to be alone. Rather than ask children who are upset or grouchy after a long day what happened at school, we might ask, “Do you need some alone time?” Adults can talk about how we designate a space for self-care – about the chair we reserve for ourselves, the garden bench outside our office, or a special place in the bedroom, and encourage children to create places that replenish them. We can ask them where they go to recharge by themselves when they are at school.

We don’t put enough value on alone time in our extroverted culture, and by teaching children it’s important even when they are young, we offer them a life-long resource.

Adding Whimsy to Our Lives

I never learned to blow bubble gum and pop it. My granddaughter told me it’s never too late and kindly broke bubble blowing into steps: 1.) Chew gum until soft. 2.) Flatten on roof of mouth. 3.) Stretch and flatten behind front teeth. 4.) Blow between teeth. 5.) Let pop. Just the thought of it makes me smile.

So much has been serious and constraining the last year with continued worries about the pandemic. We need some whimsy in our lives, and setting fun goals like these can become an adventurous family activity.

If your child wishes she could hop on one foot, say, “Why don’t we make that your special goal this week?” Let’s draw a picture of hopping. What are the steps? 1.) Try standing in place and balancing on one foot. 2.) Put your hands out for balance. 3.) Hop! Document your child’s progress in happy ways. Write down how many times she tries in one day. Take a photo of her standing on one foot. Laugh about it. Take a video of her attempts to hop and shout “Hurrah!”

Try setting simple goals for the whole family. Learn a song by practicing one line a night, or read a long book together by tackling a chapter a week. Plan a family three-mile walk, but start by ambling several blocks and work up your final goal. Put together a huge puzzle. Paint a mural.

Think of things you still want to learn, and do them with your child: French braiding, baton twirling, tap dancing, pogo stick hopping. Brainstorming about new goals to set, each with accomplishable steps, helps us remember that our current challenges are temporary, and life is full of broad and exciting possibilities at any age.

Staff Spotlight: The Alumni (part 3)

Including the spring and summer, there are 22 Meher Schools staff members who attended the school as children. We asked this special group a few questions, and some of their responses are shared below. This is the third and final piece of this segment, so check out parts 1 and 2 if you missed them!

What do you like most about working at the school?

• Karima Hastings, second grade teacher: I appreciate working with such a supportive and loving community of teachers, parents, staff, and administrators.

• Amy Weinstein, elementary theater teacher: Everyone is a family, which makes it feel like a home where everyone is welcome.

• Warren Wallace, director of admissions: Knowing that every staff member truly wants what is best for each child.

• Chloe Gilmore, kindergarten teacher: I feel like my work is noticed and appreciated, and I feel compelled to make others feel that way too. I'm surrounded by people who have all made huge impacts on my life, and because of that I really love them, even if I don't know them well as an adult. Where else would I have that experience?

• Rohan Iyer, D.R.A.M.A. Camp volunteer: The atmosphere and the children and staff we work with. The staff … were unbelievably kind and understanding toward me.

• Ivy Summers, elementary co-principal: I like that everyone is trying to live the school values and sees themselves and others as learners who are constantly growing.

• Beatrice Lindemuth, preschool and elementary substitute teacher: The community and the peaceful playful atmosphere.

• Mariella Floum, D.R.A.M.A. Camp teacher: I love working with the kids and seeing things from their point of view.

• Catherine Thompson, elementary P.E. teacher: The community. It's a place where love and kindness are prioritized, and self-expression is valued. And the songs! I didn't get any of the symbolism as a child, but hearing the songs at 13 . . . had me in tears.

Many of our alumni staff members have also commented on how fun it is working with their former classmates. Beatrice and Kyle were in the same class, as were Vince, Brenda, and Warren; Marielle and Hannah; Chloe and Amy; and Rosanna and Ivy. And of course they are all now coworkers with their former teachers. What a sweet experience for both the alumni staff members and the veteran teachers who have watched them grow up.

Other current and summer staff members who attended as children include Brenda Barnhart, Greg Vinson, John White, Laura White, Lila Isaacs, Malakai Isaacs, Mari Pongkhamsing, Anna Parker, Kyle LeMay, Hannah Anderson, Karima Hastings, Vince d’Assis, and Rosanna Allen.