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“Old friends, new friends, this is what we do, friends – sing and dance with you.”
—Sandra Star
This time of year, when we say good-bye to friends for summer or look forward to going new classrooms, we have the chance to reflect on our shared view of children’s friendships. What adult perspectives and understandings promote the most happiness for children?
A recent news report revealed that Britain’s Prince George and Princess Charlotte attend a school that emphasizes kindness and discourages the practice of children pairing as best friends. The reasoning for this is to teach children to be aware that others can feel excluded.
However, exclusion isn’t the only challenge with tightly focused relationships. We want children to have loving reciprocal relationships, but it’s also important to pay attention to the effects the daily ups and downs of close relationships have on them.
“Best friend” relationships sometimes tax children, especially younger ones, with the need to continually navigate the other person’s wishes and moods and the feelings of restrictiveness that can emerge. Singular relationships can create feelings of dependency and despondency when the other person isn’t available.
Friendships can bring joy, a buffer from stress, and the development of social and language skills. It’s helpful for children to share their thoughts and feelings and to develop empathy by learning about the other person’s perspectives. However, research shows that children who have a wider network of friends are better able to gain support from many places than adolescents.
We don’t want to dismiss children’s feelings about leaving a friend to go to a new class or about missing a friend on a given day or lecture them on having more friends. We can help them by not getting anxious when they complain that they had no one to play with that day and simply validate their feelings. “It’s hard when you don’t know who to play with. What did you do?”
If we look on those situations as opportunities to build resilience, children are more apt to build confidence. We can also encourage their awareness that they can help others feel included, especially new children.
As the song says, “This is what we do, friends” – sing and dance and find joy with the friends we are with and move on to new experiences and welcome new people into our orbit.
Five hundred people – probably the most ever at a Meher Schools event – gathered on the playground Saturday for an evening of music, dancing, food, and fun. Our Spring Dance was our first community-wide event since the onset of the pandemic.
From preschoolers to grandparents, people seemed to enjoy just being out with others after two years of COVID isolation. DJ and alumni dad Tion Torrence spun a carefully curated selection of tunes to keep the tempo lively and upbeat. There was plenty of food from the two food trucks. (The desserts lasted longer than they would have if a mom hadn’t intercepted a boy who had filled his pockets with chocolate chip cookies.)
A fundraiser for school projects, the silent auction raised more than $4100! The 20 items donated ranged from a three-night stay at a home in the Sierra foothills ($650) to two pints of homemade ice cream ($50).
Thank you to our tireless Parents Steering Committee, which organized the event, to the volunteers who pitched in to help, to those who donated and bid on items in the silent auction, and to everyone who showed up to share in our celebration of the season. (See more photos of the event on our blog and social media.)
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