Boundaries: A Tricky Balance

Can you remember a childhood experience of being forced to do something or stop doing something, and the adults involved didn’t understand your perspective at all? If you can recall such a situation, you might get in touch with anger and frustration. On the other hand, did you ever feel insecure as a child because you knew if you got upset enough, you could get your parent to back down? This is a tricky balance for all of us.

Children can feel frightened when their big reactions cause adults to change course. We have to be able to handle children’s natural distress at not getting their way, but that doesn’t mean we have to disregard their emotions. We can aim for the balance of being empathic but firm. “I know you don’t want to wear a mask when we visit Grandma. It doesn’t feel good when it’s hot, but that’s what’s needed right now.” Research shows that children feel more confident and able to handle stress when adults are authoritative but notice and validate feelings.

We all know this isn’t easy. Children’s emotional explosions can wear us down, and hard situations often occur when we are exhausted and have few internal resources left. A common example is a child not wanting to leave an activity. A parent comes to pick up a child from school, but the child falls apart because they want to keep playing on the big playground or in the preschool yard. The parent has been looking forward to a happy reunion, and the child’s intense emotion makes them question their own insistence on leaving in a timely way. Did I come too early? Should I accommodate?

We want children to know that we see them, they are not alone or bad because they feel frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, jealousy.

There is no right answer to this, but experience teaches us that if we give in on one afternoon, the child, now empowered, will push the limits every afternoon they can. The clearer, more productive path might be to say, “I know how hard it is for you to leave when you’re having so much fun, but we have to go. Maybe we can plan ahead for you to stay on another day, and I’ll arrange to come later.” We aren’t giving in on the basis of the child’s strong feelings in the moment, but we’re showing we understand their feelings and want to stay connected. Calm, authoritative statements work better than over-explaining.

It's children’s job to have every different feeling and learn to name them and develop confidence over time in recognizing and managing them, without disbalancing everyone around them. We want children to know that we see them, they are not alone or bad because they feel frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, jealousy. We hear their feelings and understand.

It’s our challenging job as adults to hold clear boundaries, even while we validate that all those feelings are just part of being human.

Making Togetherness a Game

Want your child to be able play cooperatively with others? Many interactive games teach social skills in an enjoyable way that promotes togetherness.

The excitement of game playing allows children to learn to take turns gracefully, handle frustration without blowing up, recognize social cues, and practice self-control – all in a fun way. We can lecture children about staying calm when they can’t be first or don’t get what they want, but those lessons aren’t usually learned through words.

When we play games, we provide experiential learning. We also have the opportunity to role-model the ability to handle the ups and downs of winning and losing in socially appropriate ways. There are games for every age.

Even very young children can play red light/green light, a movement game that incorporates fun movements with the ability to run and stop quickly without falling over.

The board game Candy Land doesn’t require reading and provides a great opportunity for preschoolers to learn turn taking, color recognition, and following instructions, as they move their marker from spot to spot by color.

Charades, a game where individuals or teams act out book, movie, or song titles or simply phrases without saying anything out loud, offers practice in reading social cues and body language. It can be played without reading at a young age or with written scripts as children get older.

Apples to Apples does require reading. It teaches perspective and flexibility in a game where there are no right answers, as players decide what things are alike, often with hilarious combinations.

Jenga is a game of physical skill that requires concentration and cooperation. Players take turns removing one block at a time from a tower of 54 blocks and placing it on top without the tower falling over.

These are examples of popular games, many of them with established rules, but it’s equally fun to make up games with children and create your own rules. The attitude of playfulness in a park, riding in car, or when everyone’s stuck in the house makes time together more vibrant and has long-term benefits.

A Bright and Caring Environment, Full of Potential

Meet new third grade co-teacher Kimberly Marks

With seven years’ teaching experience, including two at highly regarded private schools, our new third grade co-teacher, Kimberly Marks, could have her choice of teaching jobs. Why did she choose The Meher Schools?

“I chose to teach here because I am aligned with the mission and values of the school. I believe in a loving educational approach to spark the joy of lifelong learning. The Meher Schools community has shown this by welcoming me with kindness and support. Here everyone is seen and appreciated for who they are. This sense of belonging outweighs the option to teach somewhere else for a higher salary. I value the arts in education, and am honored to collaborate with like-minded educators.”

Kimberly’s co-teacher is Scott Rose, who has taught here for 12 years. “I believe there is power in purposeful team-teaching,” she says. “Together with Scott as my co-teacher, we’re able to create a dynamic, interactive learning experience for our students, to increase instructional options and model teamwork, and broaden student engagement.

“Scott has been a solid mentor, and I value the skills and strategies he has shared with me. Working as a team, he and I embrace our own unique teaching styles, exhibit respect for differences, and demonstrate conflict-resolution skills.” “Kimberly is a welcome addition to the third grade teaching team,” Scott says. “Students respond well to her naturally positive nature and demeanor. She’s creative, engaging, and caring, as demonstrated by her thoughtful reading and writing lessons, and has an empathetic ear. We’re lucky to have her.”

Kimberly sees The Meher Schools as a “safe space, where students are properly challenged academically and socially, and teachers are supported and respected by the administration. I notice community members smiling, saying hello, and genuinely wanting to be a part of something bigger. I think The Meher Schools is a bright and caring environment, full of potential.

“My main passions are building relationships with students and developing in them a sense of environmental awareness. I am determined to make the world a better place through education.” (She has a BA in environmental studies and an MA in education.)

Kimberly is the proud “dog mom” of a mixed terrier named Fiona. “Over the course of the pandemic, I and the people I live with fostered tens of dogs. Fiona is one we couldn’t let go. She loves being a teacher's pet and looks forward to visiting The Meher Schools very soon.” And we look forward to meeting her!