“I’m Here for You”

Last week a representative from Community Care Licensing arrived at school for their annual unannounced visit, which hasn’t occurred in several years due to COVID. Licensing, the regulatory division of California Department of Social Services, monitors all daycare facilities in the state. They send analysts who investigate classrooms, play yards, medical storage, and snack cabinets, as well as teachers’ and children’s files.

Though the visit ultimately went extremely well, the process itself is always hectic and stressful, as the analyst constantly asks to see different things, like the carbon monoxide filter, lead-testing paperwork, and every toilet to see if it is flushed.

My colleagues – preschool teachers, elementary co-principals, the facilities manager, the administrative staff – constantly illustrated what “I’m here for you” means, running around pulling out all the paperwork needed. One of them, our director of admissions, sat quietly in the room with me and the analyst as she worked for four hours. Having him there reminded me how physically and emotionally calming just having someone with you can be.

Just showing up for someone in a quiet way can be one of the most important ways you offer support. A child having a tantrum benefits from the calm of a non-judgmental adult, quietly nearby. Children working on hard homework assignments can feel a boost from a parent sitting and working on their own tasks in the same room. Parents who attend sporting events who value the bravery of participation as more important than winning provide visible encouragement. There are so many times when just being there for someone gives a grieving or sick friend, or a child who is feeling anxious, the lift they need.

There are many examples in the English language that communicate our desire to let children, or adults, know we want to support them: “I’m pulling for you.” “I’m with you all the way.” “You can count on me to be in your corner.” “I’m right behind you.” “You’ve got my vote.” “I’ll be thinking of you.” “I’m backing you up.” “I’ll be there to support you.” “I’ll be holding you in my heart.”

Saying and demonstrating that we are there for someone affirms the bigger reality that we are not separate, and our willingness to share love with others is the central meaning of being human.

Giving Children a Voice

How do we help children learn to feel safe speaking their truth, even in front of others who may feel differently? Developing a strong voice is especially important for girls. Studies show that by middle school, they will speak out less in class than boys and are at greater risk for self-harm and other aspects of emotional dysregulation. Girl Scouts of the USA has created a major initiative to support girls’ mental health. However, encouraging children to find and believe what they have to say matters is important for every child.

This week one courageous four-year-old girl raised her hand when the subject of transitioning to kindergarten in the new school year came up in the Room 1 circle. In response to others expressing excitement moving to the next level, she said, “I’m nervous about going to kindergarten because I remember I was nervous about coming to Room 1.”

It’s often hard for children at any age to admit feelings of vulnerability in front of a group, and I was amazed at the little girl’s confidence to give voice to difficult emotions in front of her peers. There must be adults in her life, including teachers, who have listened to her without dismissing her perceptions by saying things like “There’s nothing to be nervous about, kindergarten is fun.”

When children are brave enough to admit their anxieties about making the transition from preschool, it always makes it possible for others to do so and to have misperceptions corrected. “I will have to be able to read.” “I won’t have any friends.”

Recently, in a like manner, a quiet elementary school girl was brave enough to tell adults when she felt intimidated by the roughness of a classmate. It was hard for her, but people took her words seriously. Teachers at our school encourage children to learn ways to communicate boundaries and call for help when they need it.

Here are some ways to give children a voice:

• Stop and look at them when they talk about sensitive issues.

• Give them positive recognition for speaking up. At our school, teachers pay attention to the need for quiet children to find safe ways to have a voice in class discussions.

• Create a regular talking time to discuss sensitive issues.

• Listen without problem solving.

• Talk about times when you speak up even though it is hard for you.

This article on the Parents website suggests “8 Little Ways to Get Children to Speak Their Minds.”

This article from CNBC lists seven phrases “never used” by “parents who raise mentally strong kids” (including some that might surprise you).

Arab and Middle Eastern Heritage Month: Book List

Loujain Dreams of Sunflowers

By Uma Mishra-Newbery and Lina AlHathloul

Loujain watches her beloved baba attach his feather wings and fly each morning, but her own dreams of flying face a big obstacle: only boys, not girls, are allowed to fly in her country. Yet despite the taunts of her classmates, she is determined to do it--especially because Loujain loves colors, and only by flying can she see the color-filled field of sunflowers her baba has told her about. Eventually, he agrees to teach her, and Loujain's impossible dream becomes reality--and soon other girls dare to learn to fly.

Based on the experiences of co-author Lina AlHathloul's sister, Nobel Peace Prize nominee Loujain AlHathloul, who led the successful campaign to lift Saudi Arabia's ban on women driving, this moving and gorgeously illustrated story reminds us to strive for the changes we want to see—and to never take for granted women's and girls' freedoms.

Mystery Bottle

By Kristen Balouch

When a boy in Brooklyn opens a mysterious bottle he received from Iran, a gust of wind suddenly blows him over the oceans and mountains, straight into the arms of his grandfather, and despite being separated by politics and geography, the boy and his Baba Bazorg share the bond of their love.

Nour's Secret Library

By Wafa’ Tarnowska

Forced to take shelter when their Syrian city is plagued with bombings, young Nour and her cousin begin to bravely build a secret underground library. Based on the author's own life experience and inspired by a true story, Nour's Secret Library is about the power of books to heal, transport and create safe spaces during difficult times.

Salma the Syrian Chef

By Ahmad Danny Ramadan

All Salma wants is to make her mama smile again. Between English classes, job interviews, and missing Papa back in Syria, Mama always seems busy or sad. A homemade Syrian meal might cheer her up, but Salma doesn’t know the recipe, or what to call the vegetables in English, or where to find the right spices! Luckily, the staff and other newcomers in her Welcome Home are happy to lend a hand—and a sprinkle of sumac.

The Shape of Home

By Kheiriyeh, Rashin

It's Rashin's first day of school in America! Everything is a different shape than what she's used to: from the foods on her breakfast plate to the letters in the books! And the kids' families are from all over! The new teacher asks each child to imagine the shape of home on a map. Rashin knows right away what she'll say: Iran looks like a cat! What will the other kids say? What about the country YOUR family is originally from? Is it shaped like an apple? A boot? A torch? Open this book to join Rashin in discovering the true things that shape a place called home.

My Name Is Bana

By Bana Alabed

Bana's mother tells her of the strong bana tree that grows in their homeland, Syria, and how Bana's strength helped her survive war, being a refugee, and starting fresh in a new country.

The Proudest Blue: A Story of Hijab and Family

By Ibtihaj Muhammad with S. K. Ali

With her new backpack and light-up shoes, Faizah knows the first day of school is going to be special. It's the start of a brand new year and, best of all, it's her older sister Asiya's first day of hijab--a hijab of beautiful blue fabric, like the ocean waving to the sky. But not everyone sees hijab as beautiful, and in the face of hurtful, confusing words, Faizah will find new ways to be strong.

That’s Not My Name!

By Anoosha Syed

Mirha is so excited for her first day of school! She can't wait to learn, play, and make new friends. But when her classmates mispronounce her name, she goes home wondering if she should find a new one. Maybe then she'd be able to find a monogrammed keychain at the gas station or order a hot chocolate at the cafe more easily.

Mama helps Mirha to see how special her name is, and she returns to school the next day determined to help her classmates say it correctly—even if it takes a hundred tries.

The Day of Ahmed’s Secret

By Florence Parry Heide and Judith Heide Gilliland

A young Egyptian boy describes the city of Cairo as he goes about his daily work and waits for the evening to share a special surprise with his family.

The Turtle of Oman

By Naomi Shihab Nye

When Aref, a third-grader who lives in Muscat, Oman, refuses to pack his suitcase and prepare to move to Michigan, his mother asks for help from his grandfather, his Siddi, who takes Aref around the country, storing up memories he can carry with him to a new home.

Proud: Young Readers Edition

By Ibtihaj Muhammad

At the 2016 Olympic Games, Ibtihaj Muhammad smashed barriers as the first American to compete wearing hijab, and she made history as the first Muslim American woman to win a medal. But before she was an Olympian, activist, and entrepreneur, Ibtihaj was a young outsider trying to find her place.

Ibtihaj's inspiring journey from humble beginnings to the international stage is told in her own words and enhanced with helpful advice and never-before-published photographs. Proud is an all-American tale of faith, family, hard work, and self-reliance.

Other Words for Home

By Jasmine Warga

Jude never thought she’d be leaving her beloved older brother and father behind, all the way across the ocean in Syria. But when things in her hometown start becoming volatile, Jude and her mother are sent to live in Cincinnati with relatives.

At first, everything in America seems too fast and too loud. The American movies that Jude has always loved haven’t quite prepared her for starting school in the US—and her new label of “Middle Eastern,” an identity she’s never known before.

But this life also brings unexpected surprises—there are new friends, a whole new family, and a school musical that Jude might just try out for. Maybe America, too, is a place where Jude can be seen as she really is.

The Shape of Thunder

By Jasmine Warga

Cora hasn’t spoken to her best friend, Quinn, in a year. Despite living next door to each other, they exist in separate worlds of grief. Cora is still grappling with the death of her beloved sister in a school shooting, and Quinn is carrying the guilt of what her brother did.

On the day of Cora’s twelfth birthday, Quinn leaves a box on her doorstep with a note. She has decided that the only way to fix things is to go back in time to the moment before her brother changed all their lives forever—and stop him.

In spite of herself, Cora wants to believe. And so the two former friends begin working together to open a wormhole in the fabric of the universe. But as they attempt to unravel the mysteries of time travel to save their siblings, they learn that the magic of their friendship may actually be the key to saving themselves.