Honoring Relationships At Times of Transition

“We’ll always have our memories, even when this year is through, you’ve become a special part of me, and our class is now a part of you.

– From A Letter From Your Teacher On the Last Day of School, by Shannon Olsen

ONCE UPON A TIME, a mom overheard her little boy talking about his former teacher while falling asleep. He whispered her name over and over again. Her son had just changed classrooms, and though happy in his new setting, she knew he was missing daily contact with that important person in his life.

Luckily, Mom was tuned in to his feelings and made a point of talking about the special attributes of his old teacher, as well as exciting aspects of his new class. This true, and actually happy, story illustrates the importance of thinking about closure when a child leaves an important relationship and moves on to fresh experiences.

It’s a help for children to talk about their relationship before parting with a beloved teacher and to be reassured that they will be able to connect with them even when they are moving to a new school. Children transitioning to new classrooms at the same school can also experience the move as a huge change and are aided by sharing feelings about their current class and underlining the importance of the relationship – “Your teacher has been so kind, and you’ve learned so much about nature from him” – helps the child develop a sense of their own life story.

My fifth grade teacher made a huge difference in my life, and even now, when I think of the specific ways she encouraged me, it gives me a sense of why I pursued certain subjects. If parents take the time to note the unique attributes of the relationship as the child is taking leave, it plants a seed for the child to nurture in the future. It’s normal for teachers, and parents, to have deep feelings about letting go of relationships as they are right now. However, children live in the moment and may not be aware of the loss of their teachers until they move to the next class.

Here are some ideas for helping your child take all the learning and love of his last experience with him:

• Help your child write (or dictate) a note to the teacher.

• Keep your feelings separate from your child’s. Avoid burdening your child with your grief about leaving a particular teacher. Help your child to create or pick out a gift.

• Make a time for your child to say good-bye. Pick a moment at the school party or on the last day to say good-bye and express feelings of missing.

• Put up a picture of your child’s teacher at home. Keeping it up for a time will allow your child to keep her image in his heart and to solidify the memories.

Support for New Moms in Need

BABY BACKPACK DONATION DRIVE and VOLUNTEER DAY

The Meher Schools is teaming up with White Pony Express to provide diapers and other essential baby items for new mothers from low-income Contra Costa neighborhoods.

Between now and May 24, we’ll be accepting donations of diapers and new, high-quality soft baby clothes and blankets, toys, and infant-care products. This Amazon Wish List includes examples of the items we’re hoping school families will donate. There are two collection bins on campus, one next to the Office and one at the top of the center steps.

Then, on May 27, Meher Schools families will be invited to WPE’s Pleasant Hill distribution center to help fill backpacks with donated items. WPE will distribute the backpacks through their county-wide network of service providers.

WPE is an internationally recognized nonprofit whose mission is to help eliminate hunger and poverty by delivering the abundance all around us to those in need – with love. Learn more on their website.

A Giant Reset

How did adults help you learn to work through frustrations as a child? My parents praised me when I did well. “You got a hundred percent!” I don’t remember positive feedback for persisting at something I wasn’t good at or for showing self-control after a huge disappointment. How did your parents help you to keep going and manage in emotionally hard situations?

These questions are pertinent right now, as psychologists and educators are observing that after three years of the pandemic, children appear to have a lower tolerance for frustration, give up more easily, and have bigger emotional reactions in general to situations. Thinking about gaps in our own social-emotional learning can help us understand the difficulties children are having now in compassionate ways. It’s also a way to be more compassionate with ourselves.

Is it any wonder that the aftereffects of dealing with all the demands and constant changes associated with COVID would leave all of us, especially the youngest, more vulnerable when it comes to handling frustration. Maybe we all need a giant reset that will allow us to learn some possible lessons from this period.

When it comes to getting distressed easily, we accept that two-year-olds throw tantrums when they can’t get what they want. As children grow, we expect them, with consistent help from adults, to gradually develop more tolerance for handling disappointment, more persistence in the face of difficulties, and a better use of words to resolve conflicts. In these days following COVID, we are witnessing more challenges in handling difficult situations. How do we offer more targeted help?

Talk about ways you handle frustration. “When someone starts talking to me while I’m listening on the phone, I get overwhelmed. So I tell myself, ‘It’s only an interruption, you can handle it.’”

Recognize ways you see your child’s maturing ability to handle disappointment and conflict. “I saw how patient you were with your friend when they wanted to play a different game.”

Point out triggers that tend to dysregulate your child and ways to problem-solve. “When your brother starts touching your things, it’s often upsetting. How could we make a plan ahead of time?”

Talk about people’s varying strengths and discourage comparisons. “Some people have athletic abilities and can learn to go across the bars very quickly, while others find learning to read easy.”

Have your child rate frustration on a one-to-10 scale. “I know this is an upsetting situation. What number would you give it, if one is the least upset and 10 the most upset?”

Some children have consistent problems, having meltdowns when their wishes are thwarted. It’s important for parents not to simply avoid any situation that causes children difficulty, or they won’t learn. Children can benefit by rehearsing ways to react when the situation isn’t occurring.

Since the ability to deal with obstacles is so key to well-being and success, parents may want to get specialized help for their child and find resources that offer parental support and encouragement.